” Dancing with women like them is something different. It is not because they weigh 80 Kilos. They don’t weigh 80 Kilos… they ARE 80 kilos… of tango.”— from this documentary.

The first time I danced with a woman who had been dancing for over ten years, I freaked out. She was so different from the other women with whom I had been used to dance. Those women were light on their feet; they were effortless to dance with and they followed me well. But her, despite her average size body, she felt like a giant statue. I didn’t know how to move her, let alone dancing with her. I couldn’t say that I had enjoyed our dance.

Throughout the years, I had danced with many women who have been dancing for over ten to twenty years. They all have a common character: solidly heavy. I couldn’t figure out how, sometimes a petite woman, who weighs less than 100lbs and whom I could pick up with one arm, feel so heavy. After all, I was a three year blackbelt who could flip a guy who was about 50lbs heavier than me and mount him on the his back for two minutes. I felt weak, lack of strength, and therefore nervous, when I embraced them.

A man is like a column…

Andrea told me when I had my first private classes with them. For a few years, when I danced with these experienced women, I still felt wobbly and not grounded.

It was not until recently, when I started to focus dancing with my dantian and moved with my axis, that I realized the reason these experienced woman were felt heavy before was because they danced with their whole body and they were grounded. Less experienced women who haven’t found their own axises are dancing only with part of their body. The movement of a limp feels light, the movement of a body feels heavy.

When I first watched the video on youtube, I didn’t understand what Javier meant: how could a little old lady have 80kilos of tango in her? I guess I understand it now.

Javier and Andrea encourages and inspires me to find myself and the freedom to express it in my tango, to enjoy dancing and not be absorbed into calculating how many degrees my hips should be moving; to understand not how to make an adorno, but why I am adorning; to be selfish, yet giving; to be submissive, yet active.

On the contrary to some foreigners’ view, Javier and Andrea have been promoting nothing but the spirit of traditional tango. For every negative voice, I could probably find five more positive comments. Then again, it doesn’t matter how others think despite their lack of first hand experience or on pure imagination. The most important thing, for me, is that every time I learn from them, I discover something more profound; my understanding of tango is deeper…

Perfection does exist. I exclaimed.

I know what you mean. He smiled. But… before you know what’s right, you must know what’s wrong.

I almost bowed to him.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot and dancing much less.

I have been pondering how to not dance, how to erase the last memories of those movements that I had been learning all these years,  how to resist the urge to dance to my usual self when the music is very inspiring, how to reduce the movement so that each movement makes sense, how to do less…

Instead of how to do it, Why do it?

Instead of moving to the beats and the notes of the music, I am trying to find the energy in the music and expand and contract accordingly.  Breathing through the whole dance and breathe to movement, like in a yoga practice.

Levantarse, abrir los ojos, sentir la tierra, respirar, dar un paso, correr, saltar, caerse, para detenerse y continuar, y volver a parar, soñar, volar, enloquecer, amar, y sólo vibrar… en paz.- Cecilia Garcia.

Each maestro(a) has added something into my understanding of tango, from their own perspective. I am anxious to see what my upcoming trip to BsAs will bring.