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“Sola?” Carlitos asked me a bit curiously when I showed up one night at the practica without the accompany of my friend. My dear kindhearted friend took me to the practica at Sunderland first time, (and a couple of times after) and introduced me to Carlos and Rosa, and other acquaintances. The very same night, people inquired if I was the Novio.

Another night, I went to Nino Bien with a good friend who is a professional. She got us a very nice table by the piso, front row. We were having a good time, chatting, people watching and commenting. We danced our first dance together…

The moment I met with a portena later, whom I got acquainted with in the milongas, for a tanda. Her first question for me was ” is that your girlfriend?” My friend told me later that at least twice she was asked if I was the new boyfriend.

Isn’t it an outdated mentality that tango is only for hooking up with someone? Can man and woman just be good friends, sharing a bottle of champagne or beer or wine together, having a tanda or two? Why must some people assume that because two show up together at a milonga, they are, by default, lovers?

Apparently, in some minds, tango is just a means to get some…

A couple of nights ago, I was about to leave the milonga early: shoes changed, bag packed and winter coat put on. One of my favorite dancers showed up, fashionably late. I greeted her and half jokingly complained about her late appearance. Swiftly she put on her shoes, and I mine, again. We went on the floor and danced a tanda of Troilo con Fiorentino. It was nice.

Just as I thanked her and was ready to call it a night, the next tanda came up: Pugliese con Chanel. I love this! I exclaimed. We could dance if you like. She was generous.  We stepped on the floor again.

We just slowly walked to the music, very simple. It was such a rare experience,  being able to stretch a simple step over the whole phrase in a flowing fashion. On the surface, I felt so calm; underneath I felt the energy surging and receding. At the end of tanda, I’d experienced the joy yet felt so peacefully, like coming out from a meditation…

I hadn’t been able to put this experience into words. I wasn’t sure how to make of this. This approach to tango, the lack of intention of movement, the profound satisfaction of submerging in the energy of the music, of my capable partner and mine… I don’t want to call it a spiritual experience. It sounds corny, especially to someone who hasn’t had similar experience. And I don’t consider myself a spiritual man, although I’d been practiced martial arts for many years, and yoga for a couple.

But I’ve been really feeling this approach to tango.

Coincidentally, my tango brethren posted a video of OSHO: Meditation Is a Very Simple Phenomenon. Looked into his website, I found that the Nataraj way has perfectly described my discovery.

Disappearing in the dance, then relaxing into silence and stillness, is the route inside for this method.

“Forget the dancer, the center of the ego; become the dance. That is the meditation. Dance so deeply that you forget completely that ‘you’ are dancing and begin to feel that you are the dance. The division must disappear; then it becomes a meditation.

If the division is there, then it is an exercise: good, healthy, but it cannot be said to be spiritual. It is just a simple dance. Dance is good in itself – as far as it goes it is good. After it, you will feel fresh, young. But it is not meditation yet. The dancer must go, until only the dance remains…. Don’t stand aside, don’t be an observer. Participate!

And be playful. Remember the word playful always – with me it is very basic.”

I had been experimenting this way of dancing tango, after my private with Cecilia: “Let your unconscious take over completely. Do not control your movements or witness what is happening. Just be totally in the dance…Dance in celebration and enjoy.”

Isn’t it more fulfilling than trying to figure out what step one should dance?

and those who don’t .  Here is from Chicho, the icon of “tango nuevo”,  excerpt from his interview with Milena Pleb:

… I remember we were talking, then we embraced each other and in that moment I felt 40 years of tango. In the embrace, do you understand? We hadn’t taken a single step! It was simply from the way in which you held me. For me that was the most powerful moment of the tanda. The we danced for a long time. It was great, we did all sort of things. I enjoyed myself. But the moment of that embrace, like the one of my first class and some others, have marked me in regards to my relationship with the dance. I’m talking about the intimacy of the embrace. With very few people have I been able to feel the same way, much has been lost. My wish for the dance of tango, then, is that the shared intensity returns, in the soul. Not to stay in the surface, but to feel it inside. That the genre evolves from that intimacy. The essence of tango is in the embrace and the person you are dancing with.

Coincidentally, I wrote a post not long ago about my own similar discovery. Tango is internal. As the subtitle of this blog, in my mind as always, tango is a feeling in the embrace, the music and the sound of breaths. Simple.

I used to be puzzled yet at the same time fascinated by some of my close tanguera friends’ tango experiences. How certain men would make them feel…using their own words: “opening up like a flower”, “that he knows every inch of my body”… or simply “orgasmic”. I felt jealous when I listened to these tales.

Just about one year after I started dancing in the milongas, I had already received compliments. Women told me sincerely how beautiful my various partners and I looked together. Some men, who had danced for a longer time, pat me on the shoulder and said that they were going to steal a few moves from me. I knew that I could make women look beautiful dancing with me and make most of them dreaming in my embrace. Everyone told me I was a good dancer, but I wanted to be the best.

When I was not dancing in the milonga, I liked to just sit and observe. I paid attention to how people move and what expressions they wore on their face. And I observed a couple of said men dancing. At first, I felt unjustified.

There was this man, who a friend of mine said that she would go to a milonga just to hope to have a tanda with him. I looked at him barely dancing and questioned ” his movement doesn’t have music. ”

“Oh… he is so musical.”

I don’t understand women… I have twice better posture and movement than this guy. My walk is much more elegant. I definitely dance better than this guy. Hmmm!!!

There is this instructor from BsAs. The first time I saw him dancing. I thought to myself ” What’s the deal?”

He didn’t move much. The woman in his embrace wasn’t what you would call dancing either, movement was sporadic. Yet the expression of the woman’s face was intriguing: eyes closed, small beads of sweat falling through their pink cheeks. A lot of women were thrilled to dance with him. According to some, dancing with him was a tangasmic experience.

I believed the first hand accounts of my friends. But I didn’t understand or started to understand till this post.

Shortly after, one summer night, I was at this outdoor milonga. The night was beautiful. The music was alternative, a beautiful guitar piece by Jesse Cook. I took this tanguera friend’s hand and embraced her. She was on her platform sandal, and I my flip flop. The floor was uneven wood plank. We didn’t dance the way we used to dance. I didn’t even lead ocho. We just embraced and breathed together. Walked slowly, one step then another…

She told me after that she hadn’t felt this way for a long time.

Me neither… I finally start to get it:

Tango is internal.

We really don’t need to do all these movement to connect with the other. Sacada, volcada, boleo, open embrace, fluid embrace…etc these are all external, like how many different positions does a couple have to do in order to achieve orgasm? Or does one have to do a series of movements in order to reach the deepest and most tranquil state in meditation?

I like what maestro Juan Carlos Copes said: