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Ms. Hedgehog’s recent post inspired me to repost this with a few changes:

I was at this practica DJing. There went this old guy and a young beginner, dancing right in front of me. The guy was 6′ tall and over 200 lbs; and the poor girl was like 5″6 with heels on, no more than 110 lbs. Beauty and the beast at the first sight.

What went on made me frowned: he was throwing her around, taking her off balance and forcing different nuevo/stage moves which clearly beyond the physical capabilities of both. (Why a sixty year old, who has no apparent dance background or the physicality of a fit man, would practice off axis volcada lead or anything that is off axis, is beyond my comprehension, although none of my business.) A few times, I thought the girl was about to twist her ankles or have a broken arm.

Yet the girl went on to dance two tandas with the old man. I was amazed… at her ability of enduring such a torture for over twenty minutes. Maybe it didn’t hurt or feel uncomfortable as much as it appeared to me.

A couple of nights after, I was at my regular milonga dancing. All of sudden, there was this commotion that made everyone stop dancing. Some one was on the floor. Men were arguing. Instantly I knew whose fault it was.

This guy has been dancing for a long time, longer than I have. I had seen him dancing. He could dance nicely. Somehow he choosed to open up and do crazy stuffs all the time, crowded floor or not. I was following him one tanda. His movement was big and unpredictable. I had to be on constant alert. At one time, I elbowed him lightly when he almost backstepped into me. Enough was enough.

I was told later that the woman was tripped by this guy’s partner. He must lead her doing some crazy stage/nuevo moves, as usual.

That got me thinking: so many women complaining men/bad dancers, yet these men are still getting dances from women. What’s wrong with this picture? If you don’t enjoy dancing with certain people, while keep dancing with them. Have you learned how to spot a bad dancer on the floor?

Do women get so desperate that they jump at every invitation that goes their way? I don’t get it…

I don’t invite women whom were seen dancing with bad dancers* frequently. And most of the time, these women get stuck with the same type of dancers. Bad by association. Good dancers look for good dancers to dance with. Besides, if you constantly dance with dancers whom have bad postures and inferior techniques, you develop bad habits unconsciously.

I was going to ask the aforementioned beginner to practice walking, show her how to embrace. But after one tanda and she still stayed with the old guy, I lost my interest and enthusiasm. She needed to learn by herself, how to say no, how to look for good dancers, sometimes the hard way.

I like to help beginner, intermediate or even some advanced dancers to improve or correct certain things in their dance. I don’t do it actively unless I am asked. I rarely offer advices voluntarily unless I know the person very well. There are a lot of ego and self esteem among. For those who are eager to learn and to improve, I do like to offer them my hands without reservation.

Beginner and intermediate dancers have to make choice between not dancing and dancing with bad dancers. Remember: bad dancers are around because they are dancing. Some one is dancing with them. If you are that someone, then you shouldn’t be complaining…

(* Bad dancers= those who have been dancers for years yet have no idea of how to navigate the floor, how to dance small and dance for each other and how to follow the line of dance…)

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… the one that happens inside us.”

I stole this title from a lovely and beautiful tango friend of mine. I’ve meant to write something about this for a long time. Words had escaped me.

A few months ago, I was in my worst tango slump. My favorite music didn’t inspire me. I was on auto pilot most of the time, doing just steps. I felt I was repeating the same steps/sequences over and over again, and with the same partner. The energy was flat and I rushed to chase the music. I felt bored of myself for not being creative. I thought I didn’t know how to dance any more. Some told me that I’d reached a plateau. I felt I was regressing.

I went for a private lesson with my first tango teacher.

“There is nothing wrong with your dance. Your technique is good, walk is nice, embrace is comfortable, and very musical…” She said to me, after danced a song or two. ” What’s wrong is up here. ” She pointed to my head, jokingly.

“I had been there before. I understand. You need to forget about having the perfect technique, posture and steps. Try to find the tango within when you dance…” Break the mold. “and take your time, like tasting wine, sip it…like tasting chocolate, let it melting in your mouth.”

Find the tango within…I chewed on it.

The next few weeks, every time I stepped onto the piso, I took a moment and looked inside. It was like a self meditation (or inner gaze). What moved me? Was it the woman whom I was about to embrace, the music or the energy of the place? I tried to find my own presence before I embraced the woman.

Then something magical and powerful happened. The connection was amazing. When I danced with beginner/intermediate level women, I felt that they were calm and following well. With good dancers, I felt like I was into their minds (hypnotized them) and their feet doing what I suggested. When I had the pleasure to dance with great women, I felt completely free, like they say, one body four feet.

I didn’t think about how to move or what steps to take any more. Like Pedro said, just listen to the music, it tells you how to dance. I let the music and the woman inspire me. From time to time, I was pleasantly surprised by myself from the move or steps I did with music, sometimes things that I had never done before…

These days, I dance much less, two or three tandas a night, once or twice a week. If I don’t find an inspiring partner in the milonga, I just sit and listen to the music. When I do dance, I rarely feel unsatisfied afterward.

“I am more interested in what moves people, than how they move.” Pina Bausch

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There are so many reasons for a woman to turn down an invitation. I used to ponder and speculate them after being turned down. Then I realized I was wasting my time and energy.

What’s the big deal? Look for those whom are looking for you. Go find the woman who is willing to be in my embrace rather than wonder why this one doesn’t want to. And these days, I rarely get turned down because:

a.) I adhere to cabeceo when I am in a festival.
b.) I am contented to have a great tanda a night, rather than take a risk to have ten mediocre ones.
c.) I am an excellent social dancer. Shameless brag yet it is true… haha.

Still, I get ticked off by this rejection: a woman turns me down by saying that she is tired and needs a rest. OK, fine and understandable. But the next song, she gets up right in front of my face and accepts an invitation from another man.

This, in my book of tango etiquette, is the biggest offender.

For sure, she will not be getting another look from me as long as I remember this episode. Not that she cares, Nor I.

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I often hear people complaining about hearing the same music over and over again. They get bored.

I have been listening to the same old music over and over again for the past three years; more so recently as I started DJing. Sometimes I could listen to the same song over ten times a day. I never get bored, on the contrary I find something interesting and different each time I listen to the same song.

Then it occurs to me that the music isn’t boring, just that people who complain never really listen.

The same piece of tango music has always been here, interpreted by different orchestras, sung by different singers and danced by thousands of dancers from various backgrounds in numerous ways. How could it be boring if there are thousands of different interpretations?

“Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.”

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